Destroy.

It's raining. And the lousy part is I dont' have anyone to share it with. Also when materials get you down you should just destroy them or get rid of them. For instance I was mad at my crappy Dell Laptop and I hit it and now it is not working. Think of it as giving it a figurative black eye.

I actually feel okay except for the fact that my resume was on it... and luckily it was the only file that I actually still need.

I am tired of myself. Can I please hear about your day?

Katie called and she wanted to hear about my life. Call that Ironic. She's touching lives in Cambodia and here i am in way too Modern America with no community. I hate that about Santa Rosa. It is beautiful country and a beautiful city but honestly its population is a bunch of liberal stuck up snobs who do nothing but complain or smoke weed.

Ok. I think I am going to ride my bike even though its raining. I dont really care though.

good nite.

3 am. bleh.

It's 3 am. and its funny because 3 am by Matchbox Twenty is playing on Pandora. That said I am extremely tired but for some reason there is some considerable muscle pain in my left hip and lower back making it difficult to find comfort to sleep. This is disgruntling because I have a hike tomorrow with a good friend and I would hate to miss it. Alas, the anxiety of loneliness and the questions about the Lost finale are still fresh in my head.

I want to have someone that I can have fun with down here.

Right now I'd prefer to rest but it just won't let up.

Dammit.

summer the last one I guess... I still don't know

I kind of lost my weekend I spent pretty much all of it looking after my ailing Grandfather. He is... a great man that I have much respect for but he is also a tiresome man. I have grown up around male figures that do not usually wear their emotions on their sleeves. Their love language comes out in very subtle gestures and actions. I do not doubt my grandfather's interest in my life, he has supported nearly every missions trip I have traveled on, written me very open and honest letters about how proud he is of his grandson. He has taken a liking to who I am, whoever that may be. Sometimes the divide between friends and family takes a toll on me, but then I have to continue realizing that my family actually knows me better than I ever will; probably because they watched me grow up.
For this I am grateful. I have been blessed to have such a unique and loving set of family members that I have always been able to rely on.

I wonder how much it takes to change a stubborn old man's hardened heart. I guess one could argue that he is inclined to enjoy the world that he has lived in most of his life even though it is a world that has almost completely changed in the past 50 years. How strange to be stuck in time.
On the other hand, I would rather see God's power which knows no boundaries just break through.

Dear God, Can you please perform a miracle? I've seen it done in Redding, Haiti, Philippines, and elsewhere, but could you pull a big one for Santa Rosa? That'd be probably the greatest thing ever at this point.


Does being lonely mean you're not a bad person?

I miss you .

A friend.

Rick White. Sometimes you can be rude. You do care.

Oh and you're wrong about community. It will be justified when I live off campus.

Summer and livin is too easy. I need to get a job. For real this time. A real job.