Winds of Change.

Well it is official... Ed and Grethe Klose are leaving Redding. They will be moving to Seattle to work at a church there. I guess it kind of floors me because well... Ed and Grethe we're like the father and mother of Simpson. Grethe compassion on me brought me so much comfort and joy. And Ed was always a figure of leadership and respect that I could look up to. It will be hard to see life at school here without their presence..


My friend who I have never seen so emotional nearly cried in front of me. A girl broke his heart bless him. I can only vicariously see his pain and yet i feel that i know it well.

I also said goodbye to another good friend by the name of Jeff Larson. A man of great heart and wit. A part of me wants to have known Jeff so much sooner. I hate that I get to know people so well in such a small amount of time.

I watched the sun shine in the west most of the day. I could not help but feel a sense of closing and exodus appearing on life here at school. So many of my good friends will graduate this next semester so many.... It brings anxious feelings. I already face apprehension at the following year which will be my last with my dear friends i have shared life with for what has now been 2 1/2 years.

The only thing I know is that I will never ever forget what i had here. And I will never forget the memories. What a sad end to a difficult semester.

"Will you remember me?"

Cant' wait.

in a few hours... the hardest semester i have ever taken will be over. Going home never sounded so sweet and yet... will I truly find satisfaction in just that? Will that be the environment that I truly crave? I guess I will try to let you know. I just hope that everyone knows that I still love you all so very much.

3 things that were great this semester:
1. Katie and I grew much stronger in our relationship and still maintain good integrity among our friends.

2. I had the privilege of getting to know Jeff Larson on a much deeper level this semester alas, it was his last semester

3. Communication Theory


3 things that were not so great this semester:

1. My bitterness returned to me amidst a tiring and awful semester of 18 units

2. I grew insecurity about not having a core group of friends at age 21

3. realizing that the novelty and magic, glory, community is beginning to hit twilight on my time in Redding.

As always, things could and should be better but they will hopefully. adieu

Merry Christmas to those who have faith. May the light continue to be your guide in the dark and cold winter night.

Idealism

mY BROTHER IS ENGAGED!!!! AMAZING! DO YOU KNOW HOW STOKED I AM? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN? My experience in family has been that of a somewhat vicarious standing and now... no more! This is so bomb.

Here's a picture of him and his lovely fiancee Katie Stemp. I know my girlfriend's name is katie too. Weird.

I can tell he loves her. I have seen the way he acts around her. And I want my brother to be happy because then I am happy.

right now I couldn't give a crap that its raining and im dead tired of school. God. Is. There.

The New Day

I've decided. I don't want it anymore. I want to place the bitterness aside and receive God's unfailing grace.

I also want to see great things happen.

I saw a film-well two actually, that juxtaposed a hoped for likeness of what a life of love might be. One was of the name "Relentless Love" which expressed the narrative of the biblical story through the form of animation. The second was a stop-motion piece that followed one girl through her spiritual journey of hope, love, fear, abandonment to redemption. Both were exquisite in their visual interpretation and proved to me further the need and existence of a beautiful Savior.
I want to have a part of that. Is it wrong to want? Perhaps it is a selfish gesture that overlooks the need of receiving. A materialistic society constantly drills the message of want. There is never satisfaction. Satisfaction is the supposed allusion. I suppose I will never be truly satisfied in my life if I keep basing it of things that I buy from Target or (goodness!) even thrift stores.


I struggle daily from looking cynically at my former life at home and as a young child when I need to focus my time on what is happening now.

This semester has been one of great difficulty amidst friendships, homework, and attitude. I have been hurt by someone who I thought well of and have struggled to forgive yet I know it is what I must do.

Grace. Peace. I give you

To the half-hearted, destitute, struggling and discontented I call on all of us to throw off the rags and cleanse this heart of that which darkens and destroys. I know that the relentless love of God never gives up for a second and surely we can spare some of our busy time to pay tribute to that.

God I pray for the New Day where this pain ceases and all that is good abounds.

blurp.

not gonna lie this week has been crappy I don't know but everything just seems to be getting on my nerves. Justin O mocking bethel people rather than trying to get to know them. My stupid islam midterm. 8 o clock class. getting out of shape again after me and natalie said we would be getting on top of it last week. My crappy laptop not working. Six on one meetings being a complete waste of time. Natalie's flakiness,

Rick white is in the room. He is keeping me sane. I hate school and all community functions.

Hey at least it is almost friday.

peace...

There's no such thing...

I don't believe that papers really promote your knowledge of said subject especially ones in Intro to Islam. Anyways, I ran today for the 2nd day in a row that was good. My body feels so much better after running and exercising. Plus i am currently enjoying the cold weather as autumn takes shape. I dig it.
Also I love my girlfriend. She's the most beautiful girl i've ever known inside and out. She bought me tickets to see U2. Who does that?

Good stuff, hard week. It's overrated. People ,however, real people are not.

Anon

Friends.. I wish for more.

from the 3rd floor.

What a night. What happens in Thompson stays in thompson. here's a clip from the good ol' days

Matt.

" is bearutiful. and he is my roommate. I met him my freshman year and I was amazed. He's probably one of the most unique people at school.

I think the world would be better if we had more Matthew Lopez'...

Australians are good.

I do miss the PHilippines. I miss our wonderful hosts. and the faces of all the beautiful people.

one phrase sums it up "Sugar me purple!" "Sugar me purple!"

end of summer and a new beginning

Philippines is over, bike shop is over, being away from friends is over. Life with God continues on. I love God, he never ceases to amaze me. We have begun RA training here at school and I couldn't be more pleased with this year's team. I mean we still have an entire school year ahead of us but I am so excited for it.

Summer was a period of re evaluating and hard lessons. This new season of life continues with a touch of what I call " epic ".

"Have faith in me"

Tired and empty places.

As I was driving back from Westminster and Mt. Gilead seeing Katie, and the Jareds, I had a sudden rush of sentiment for certain areas of my life that I passed by. I had the urge to listen to my worship music in the parking lot of my old church and watch the sun on the horizon. I guess I just wanted to relive some old chapters. But alas, as I drove past, I viewed a few men waving their hands to me and I hesitated and did not turn into the parking lot. Mind you I was driving about 50 miles per hour at the time so it did not necessarily look awkward.
I did not turn in because I wanted solace and the presence of the men in the parking lot regardless of whether I knew them or not, made me change my mind.
My old church I believe abandoned me. When I was crying out for an authentic community of united believers, everyone scattered. No one said anything and no one seemed to truly show that their faith was their own. When I was struggling, people did not come alongside me to walk with me in my struggles. It turns out I was right about a lot of things. Pastoral changes, church members including my family left and never came back. The congregation has since dwindled to maybe a handful of people.

My second foray into my past came as I was passing my old high school. Here I actually stopped. I decided that the novelty of the worship music i had had run its course and it was time to get rid of it. I had this strange rationalization that maybe if I left it somewhere public, like a school, it could be picked up by someone and hopefully incite some inspiration.
As I walked to the old choir room that I used to attend, I noticed pictures on the bulletin board outside of it. Pictures all from the 2008 graduating class as opposed to my class of 2007. I felt a slight bit of discontent for the recognition of that particular group without a visual mention of ours. My senior choir got the top award in our regional competition. 3 years of dedication to the program and there is nothing to show for it.

I regret both of these slight incidents.

These are all vague descriptions and all the details are left unsaid. I do not know why but I guess what I mean to say is that these chapters of my life: High school, my old church, they are over and will remain that way.

This is why I love Simpson, because it is truly the first place where I have felt like I belong, and I am sure I will miss it when I leave.

"You've had your chance so say goodbye, say goodbye"

Tahoe.

Mountains.  I sang Coldplay on top of a mountain it's epic.  OH and my brother is home to hang out with me.  That is very cool because he is 5 years older than me and much more mature. Oh the wonders of sibling rivalry.

"A brother shows you who you are and who you are not"

Summer part 3 (what's in my head)

It is coming and the apprehension, anticipation, and excitement is creating a twisted form of nervousness having never felt before.  All I can seem to do is pray.  

I plan on making some changes to my bedroom and moving most of my stuff in the small room.  I am tired of the big one.  Mainly because I am tired of decadence.  Someone just take all this crap off my back.  Too much junk.

One of the biggest things that always, always stresses me out is that my house is full of stuff.  Useless stuff.  Stuff Wal-mart and Amazon lied to you about.  Telling you that you needed it.  Big lies.  I hate stuff and yet I am surrounded by stuff.  The worst part is that I cannot seem to make my mother understand that I am tired of stuff.  I will only state when I need something and that is a very rare occasion. alas, when i return from the Philippines, I will have a new mission.  Beginning the ending of the familiarity of home.  The first step that seems easiest for me is moving into the spare bedroom.  Honestly, my bedroom is bigger than a simpson dorm room.  It is a choice I have already made.  I have even refused to sleep in my big bed because of the decadence I perceive in it.  

Yes I am insane but understand that it is the only way I can truly move to where I feel I need to be.

(I hate all the orphan children in the world...I love all the orphan children in the world...I love you guys) - Dan Montecinos

Summer part II

Liistening to Phil Wickham... ahh so good.
"you're beautiful oh oh"


I have been at home for over a month now. I haven't moved much in the sense that I haven't influenced or done a whole lot in what carries purpose. Or have I?

two weeks ago I had the amazing privilege of witnessing my cousin who had down syndrome graduate from high school. He completed his high school level education two years after I had. I got to watch him read my note on his graduation card, when he was never expected to learn how to read when he was born. When I think of that I want to cry.

I have experienced a friend confess to me a life of lies, dishonesty, and selfishness. In the eleven years that I have known him I have never seen him seem so real and open about his life.

Though I have been frustrated with my relationship with my parents, my work that I'm doing for free at the bike shop. I shall say that this time is precious and is not wasted. God has been teaching me some good things now that I look back on all this.

A verse that has been following me since Training Week has been in Luke 6:32-36. It talks about how its no good simply serving those that we are friends with but also to those who might cause us pain or turmoil. it ends by saying "Be merciful even as your Father is merciful"

The closest thing I think I had to that is not yelling or venting my frustrations to my parents or to certain employees. This is not even half of the point that Jesus is trying to get across. He's talking something fierce. I wrestle with it and wonder how our lives will truly look if we stay the course on the narrow road.

I am in God's hands still, even when i feel useless. This summer is good, and I still miss all my friends dearly. Be blessed wherever you may be in your walk.

"make the choice that will serve to the greatest benefit of not only yourself but to others"

Santa Rosa

It is the town I grew up in... however for some reason can you guys ask me why I find myself disconcerted while once again staying here for most of the summer?

Recess.

(I loved recess. recess is a genius invention that sets the precedent for what intentional community is meant to be. Games, fun, laughter, sun, sports, activity, awesomeness)

Summer has continued to be an interesting season of sorts. I have found work for no pay at the local family bicycle shop where I am now assembling new bicycles. I haven't had the best time to exercise, and have visited a handful of good friends. Needless to say God has been good in his provision.

One particular event that stands out from this week is my visit to my old elementary school campus. It was after work that I was riding through the neighborhood (which is 3 min. from my house) and I decided to visit my old stomping grounds. It was strange, visiting a place that you hadn't been to in 8 years. Almost everything that I remember had changed. A lot of new portables had been installed on the campus, and it looked like none of my former teachers were still there. However I could not brush aside the fact that this was where I grew up . I think that no matter how much I have tried to ignore and forget this school, I have now come to accept that this place is a part of me. When I think about it now, it makes me think of a simpler time when things like money, loans, grades (real grades), and relationships, did not necessarily cross the minds of an eight year old. All that mattered was whatever the next adventure was going to be. Living life with a childlike sense of wonder and awe. I swear there are times where I pine for that still

But at least I know that what is right now, is what needs to be. Funny that God would take such a foolish child and take him on the greatest adventure of all.

"Let the children's laughter, remind us of who we used to be"

My week...

Sunday - Went to Sacramento to visit Katie and Phylis
Monday - Went on a 12 mile hike with my old friend Nathan Keylon to Mt. Hood
Tuesday - Worked in the yard with my Dad
Wednesday - Rode bikes with Jared then hung out with Jessica Bisagno and David Berrios
Thursday - Had lunch with Mom and did errands with father
Friday- Rode bikes with Pop and Dad with lunch ensuing later.



I had a good week.

A new dilemma

In light of all my friends being fairly split apart. the economy weighing in on everyone's ability to get a job, there is a new problem that has arisen. Sloth, boredom, apathy. I only hope and pray that you all make the best of what you have. I currently do not have a job to occupy my time. Much of it has been spent watching movies, hanging with old friends, and outdoor leisure. However in spite of all this, I refust to admit defeat. Let us remember that time is what you make of it and I am pretty sure that we can all have a fun and relaxing summer as long as we have the right attitude.

A man walks into a bar has a drink and has the time of his life.

Summer, the beginning.

I'll elaborate later I guess, but anyways I am just sentimental right now. I watched a video of my old friend Sara Mcgee talking to her b/f (kinda creepy, but I miss her presence in my life). I also watched a brief clip of Jenna Barney singing a song she wrote called "orange sky". Jenna is an amazing woman with an amazing gift of music and love for God. I will miss her worship of God and her spiritual beauty.

Anyways, after finals week ended. I had 3 days to crash, then Conquest, and now Training Week. It has been so very intense. Pretty much an extention to the craziness of this school year. I guess the real summer begins for me after training week. I love you guys and I love what God is doing here in all of us.

Kyrie Eleison,

91.46%

tell me that percentage is a failure. A- is a failure if your parents are nazis!

magna cum laude

Hell or Something like it part 3

maybe? 6 papers, 3 exams, 1 presentation, 3 make up assignments, 1 portfolio,

I am just curious if life really does mean more than a deskjob. Just wondering.....

"Dunder Mifflin this is Pam"

Popular

DISCLAIMER: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE SO READ WITH DISCRETION



People like to cheer for me to embarrass me in the Cafeteria. They do it because they love me and because they do not understand. What they don't understand is that people would do that to me in high school and in junior high to mock me. They would shout my name and put it up front for all to see and laugh at.

One of the reasons why I fucking hate the word popular is because i grew up with peers telling me that I was not, and that I would never be. I struggled with fitting in for a very long time. Now I know a lot of people say that, but I mean it. I have never had Here is what i associate it with.

I associate it with the time my best friend Peter Senecka growing up told me that he was cool and I was not. I do not even know why he was saying it but he was so full of himself at that moment and me feel so damn self-conscious of myself. Needless to say we did not stay friends for much longer after that.

I associate it with the time I was in sixth grade and every stupid blond girl would call me weird and ugly and tell me I would never be popular enough to get a girlfriend or have cool friends.

I associate it with the time I was friends with one guy in junior high. One guy that I would hang out with at lunch and brunch.

I associate it with the time I really liked this girl for the longest time, and I mean the longest time, and then finally all these people who I thought were my friends said I should ask her out. needless to say she said she would call and then she never did. I felt like such a fool.


I associate it with looking at my older brother of 5 years and how he always had a core group of friends since elementary school who would constantly call him, come over, and hang out with him on the weekends. He even had a page in the yearbook dedicated to his five core friends that he hung out with. I never had a core group like that. I never had a core group of friends, it always changed.

I associate it with the people who would pretend to be my friends just so they could get something from me or so they could exploit their own insecurity.

I associate it with my entire 8th grade year, which was hell for me. I had no friends and I hated everything about school. I remember some girls making fun of me when I decided to sit under a lab table and forget the world. They just laughed at me and called me a loner. All I wanted was a little peace and quiet. I honestly thought of how If I left everything and moved to colorado and lived in the mountains, I would be better off.

I associate it with the time I tried to punch this guy and he caught my wrist before I could hit him.

I associate it every time someone in junior high called me faggot, dumb ass, or loser.

I remember I used to cry in my sleep and ask God why? Why does everyone ignore me or worse make fun of me? it was worse when people would just put me on the spot for no fucking reason at all.


And lastly I associate it everytime I watched the pretty girls, the tall athletes, and even the drug addicted party burn outs hang out with their respective groups and do everything together. I never got invited to hang out with anybody, because I had no in with anyone.


I was never popular in junior high. but I grew to enjoy never being popular. I felt enlightened. I felt like I had discovered a better way of life instead of just burning out or going with the flow. I felt like everyone else was a big ass phony and I had little time for them.

In High School I became more involved with my youth group, hoping to find solace from the briar pitch of public school. I envisioned some kind of refuge for myself and not be around the cruel words and the gross language.
I found that I wanted something real and authentic from those that I had considered friends. I thought I had made that with people from my youth group. It turned out later that I was wrong. No one ever called, no one ever replied and no one invited me to anything. I remember this boy, his name was Jordan Box, I loved him and I wanted to be his friend so badly. He was like the pretty boy of Youth Group (which is retarded in itself). We were friends for a while, and then I guess he just got tired of me. He never called or wanted to hang out and that was the end of it. The least he could have done was say something but I was over it by then. It turned out to be like that with a lot of them and I grew tired of it.

So by my senior year of high school, I was basically at square one. I tried to start over and make the best of my difficult and dramatic final year that consisted of a funeral, a bad relationship, get barred from being on the ministry team at youth group, and actually getting grounded for a month by my parents. I made some good friendships that probably would have blossomed had I not made the decision to leave for college.

So thats the story of my life with the word popular. I was never popular. I decided that I never wanted to be popular. Popular to me, meant limitations and I knew that God made me for something different

So if you are really curious, the reason why I do not want this recognition is because I do not deserve it. I hate the clapping, I hate the birthday songs, and I hate the compliments about my voice and guitar skills. Please give it to someone who actually works for a living.


I guess the reason why so many seem to know me is that well... this is a small school and I just love the people here. there are good people here. People much different than the ones who went to my lame-ass youth group or high school. God showed me a world outside of "Popular" or "cool" and I thank Him so much for making me unique and not popular.

Did I not believe?

Prayer, thanks, belief. I believe! help me over come my unbelief!~!!!


I think that life independent and seeking God first is so much more manly than joining ROTC. At least at Simpson University.

"All I've got is a photograph"

illuminate

I honestly was never a big Superman fan. I mean the guy is overrated. Yeah he's got like 7 different powers but anytime you get kryptonite near him, he faints like a little pony. So for some reason he is the only comparison I can seem to make when I think of the sun's abilities to give us energy and power. superman gets his powers from the sun. I recall from the most recent Superman film the scene where Superman flies above the clouds to catch the sun and gather his strength, before he goes flying back down to Earth to stop the bad guys. The sun is symbolic of God's presence as light makes day when we are awake and alive. Whenever I feel the need to take in the natural beauty that is all around me, I spread my arms out and look towards the sky. I always say it is like I am a solar panel taking in the suns rays to give me energy. A bit corny I know, but in a way maybe it really is me soaking in the light that was created so that we may have life. It is when I look at what has been here on this universe longer than any of us that I am in awe.

what if we shined as bright as a star in the midst of all the dark places?

Guitar.

I love my guitar even when its sound pisses me off sometimes. I want to play it more. I hate that I do not. I miss my guitar. homework sucks. Spring break is coming. I want to play my guitar.

While my guitar gently weeps

What is it like out there...?

I have often wondered how someone has the mental capacity to do so much in such a relatively small time.

A few minor thoughts... Sigur Ros is undoubtedly one of the most underrated artists in music and deserves a good listen for anyone looking to find the soundtrack to their day.

Professor Stinson, bless her heart, is a wonderful woman with a great sense of energy for making bible classes interesting but darn it if her assignments are difficult to the point that I do not think I shall attend hermeneutics tomorrow. I do not want to take another Stinson bible course.

there is a person with a certain intrinsic value that I am not sure whether or not God wants me to move to another step with.

Sunshine illuminates not only the world but our lives.

again I ask from inside this bubble, "what's it like out there?"

Feeling like you're on top of the world

Oh my goodness. I love that I am in the right place at the right time. Today was a day of events and somewhat of a journey of sorts. I made it to all my classes even though I was late to Hermeneutics. I had my first baby RA training seminar today. Got to sit with Matt and Erin Freer what a delightful surprise to find that she'll be an RA next year.
Then there was a meeting with my professor about my academic plan for the next two years. I was glad to find that I would not have to take 18 units per semester to graduate on time. He is a good man, a bit too talkative but good.
After that, I was immediately off to my conquest team meeting with the amazing Travis Osborne. We had some good discussion and updates on the different missions teams represented. Our Philippines team meeting was very brief but good anyhow. Two of our members were out sick, so there was not much to do but hopefully the next coming weeks will not be so unproductive. Immediately afterward the meeting I rushed off to do worship for Monday night chapel in the Student Lounge.
I was not looking forward so much to the monday night chapel and had mostly only agreed to do lead worship for them because of my promise to at least do it once. I had been stressing about it all day and then-it turned out okay anyways. I actually felt really filled with God's love and strength afterwards.

Then even after that, i spent time with some of my favorite people. Jared Rouse, Matt Lopez, Eric Wilkinson, and Bryan Henderson. We played video games and went to winco. I was really excited because I felt that Jared and Matt were very distant and it was a blessing to see them have very intellectual and spiritual conversations which is wonderful because both of them like to talk.

I take so much joy in seeing all my good friends know one another and have authentic community with themselves. I know some of the best people on this campus. God is so good to bless us with each other's company.

I feel like I am on top of the world because I am surrounded by such love and strength that is embodied by the fellow believers and followers who I call my friends.

Victory is when peace becomes a lifestyle.

Honestly...

This sort of thing has been one of my dreams for a long time. I want to be in a band. An awesome band that sticks a middle finger to conventional society and does what they feel is right.
One of the reasons I have loved Punk, hardcore, and metal for so long is because most of that music embodies many of the principles that i believe in. Non conformity, individuality, acceptance, and moshing. I'm not really a hardcore mosher but I have had my share of being the moshpit.

I know most people do not consider this music, I strongly disagree. Music to me is more than just delightful melodies and harmonies sung over a good 3 to 4 min. length. Don't get me wrong I love that music too, but there has always been a special place in my heart for good ol' noise, scream, yelling, spitting sounds and wonders. Music, to me, is art, and so are words. I believe that the collision of words and instruments of sounds is music. Punk bands started an idea of simplicity in musical art. They did without the fancy production and shiny guitars. I am in love with it because of their audacity to do this without the confines of any mainstream media attention. Everything is D.I.Y. (Do it Yourself) which is an idea that truly brings out the best of human ability.

I dont care how good, pure or perfect I am supposed to become, I will always love this kind of music or noise if you want to call it.

Friday night under the Heavenly Donut lights.

I met a man tonight. His name as he put it, was "DAvid." He told me I had a good heart and he held my hand looking into my eyes believing in me as Jesus does. I am so glad that I made the choice to go out downtown tonight. Jared Rouse, Natalie Hoy, his friend Caleb and I all cruised around the downtown area with our donuts looking for a good conversation. In total we actually met 4 amazing and entertaining people. There were the transient duo of Derrick and Jay two young twentysomethings on their way to Mt. Shasta living off the land. Roger the drunk guitar player who's joviality brought a wonderful light to the evening. And of course David. His full name was David Richard Barnett, I believe. I could be wrong. He was a man that God had ordained for us to meet. He spoke words of life and power into us. He prayed over Jared and us. Every time he looked at me I felt him staring straight into my soul. I am no expert on intuition, or literal prophetic telling, but I know that this man saw something in us this night.

God be good. The kingdom is here and we must find it continually.

Leadership

I have this feeling that people seem to trust me with responsibility. I mean, I have 4 people plus a co-leader giving a huge level of dependence on me as someone who will lead them into a far off place soon to be filled with many unexpected wonders and disappointments.
I was recently given the honor of the title Resident Assistant for the next school year. This is a job that is designed for older students to be able to positively interact with their peers and assert a level of leadership and direction for an entire college dorm floor.
I am also currently a so-called Vice President/communications director for a club on campus called Social Action Committee.

I do not know if anyone knows this aside from my family, but I will state it now. 2 years ago I had not even thought about having this sort of responsibility. I was not a leader nor did I want to become one.

The beginning of this year began with God calling me into leadership. The rest has been the story of my sophomore year.

It has been frightening, hectic, stressful, a burden, an excitement, and a blessing. I truly feel that God is making me into the person he has called me to be even more so as I am taking on these new responsibilities.

I am amazed at where I am now as opposed to a year ago.

"what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lent and other things given up

Well I try not to lust for one but it befalls me almost always. And i guess there was this awesome time where I ate healthy and lived healthy and slept well. That was summer. I think fast food could go because I do love it for second dinner long after I should. Winco will suffice for now. Love you Winco. If I was a punk rocker and needed food, I would go to Winco. I think I will not buy any awesome new flashy and sometimes gay clothes off the internet either. Luckily I am not too compulsive to overlook the tax and shipping fees that push a purchase over the edge. So... still...what to give up for Lent?

Such a strange time... I miss going to the library and finishing all my homework. I also wish I could be as smart and spiritually deep as my friend Jared Rouse. If any of you want the time to get to know someone, get to know Jared Rouse.


friends are the stuff love shapes.

Whoa! Happy Day!

The following is an account of Friday's events:

I will be an RA next year.

Since the beginning of this year I dreamed of becoming an RA. I wanted to be important, I wanted to wear that badge that said something about you as a person. I had a lot of reasons for wanting to be an RA. My brother was an RA, then an Assistant RD, now he is a Graduate RA. I mean that was not the only reason, but it was definitely one of them. Most of these are trivial and not the right attitude for wanting this position. In all honesty I just felt a calling from God to step up in leadership and he blessed me so much by granting me this opportunity and the role of missions leader as well.
This week was hard and at times very draining emotionally, but in the end it had a happy ending. It was so great. Matt, Katie, Taylor and I all opened up our letters in front of Dana who apparently already knew. It could not have happened a better way because all of us got accepted and we all screamed and jumped for joy and did not care who heard us.
After the jubilation, I went with James Spencer to see Aubrey's, Hannah's, Eleanor's, Cynthia's, and Katie's moms. What a blessing to see the families of our friends!

and after that, I went with James, Matt, and Ian Brooks to a Jesus Culture worship night. Let me just say that 2 and a half hours of pure worship is something I would hope every passionate lover of God would experience.

God you are beautiful and amazing. Lead me in the ways of your love and grace. I am so happy!

Thank you for an amazing day filled with glorious laughter and joyous praise!

What a happy day. I love that I am in the arms of grace.

Love to love God

...God

I think if God wanted me to be an A student, then I would have to forsake friendships. I guess that is just the way he made me.

oh what beautiful letdown. I learned that God believes in us today.

School? learning?

Are school and learning really all that relative? I think in the sense that you learn to nap frequently or you learn to justify not doing hw for the sake of cultivating community then yes. I do not know if I am cut out for this whole school thing. I mean I thought I was freshman year but now I have become a slacker yet again. Ugh, Emelia and my Mother would be ashamed of me. It it late as usual here in my dorm room. I envy my roommate because he goes to bed with such ease. Whereas I, end up wasting time online or doing hw. I still have a short ethics paper due tomorrow and I think I have something else for Writing for Mass Media, but I cannot remember. I would spend more time in the library if it wasn't so darn stuffy. Stuffy and warm makes me sleepy and then I just end up taking naps in there or going on a major add rampagel, but I know that I get lots of work done in there.
I came to the realization that I did not come to college because of the academic quality so to speak. I realized that I still do hate the academic and curricular system of grading and papers, and projects. Group projects? When will I ever be in one that I like?
Anyhow, I realized that I am here not on my own accord but of God's. I never thought about college really until my senior year of High school. My Senior English teacher kept a college acceptance board in her classroom for all her students to write on for the schools they had been accepted to and which ones they were choosing. I watched week after week as people wrote down the big names of UC Davis or UC Berkeley. Then I got news in December that I had been accepted to Simpson University in Redding, California and had a few weeks to make my deposit and commit to the next fall semester.

I went up to that board and wrote down Simpson University on it. Then I circled it, labeling it as the school I had chosen to attend the following semester.

Here I am, still hating school as a system, but loving the fact that I am where God wants me to be.

That alone makes all the difference in the world

Contentment!? what is it? Why is it? Perhaps it is the idea that maybe in the great scheme of things, amidst the pain, failure, stress, anxiety, and hate, everything will turn out, in some strange and twisted way, alright.

Missed a class

For some reason I chose not to go to Hermeneutics. I feel that in some twisted way or form it was justified given what we might have talked about and the lack of breakfast, and preparation I would have had for the day. Basically, considering I have 2 other classes and 3 meetings to meet plus a friends bday present to prepare. I guess I have time on my hands.

Okay now I am going to leave and do these things.

carpe diem

Indecent exposure

Well not literally but I have to talk about it. Today as I was walking in the parking lot, I saw that someone's girlfriend had decided to write on a car window that she liked him very much(with graphic hearts drawn for effect). I instantly felt like I was in high school again. I guess I am just a negative prick but honestly? Why do you feel the need to publicly announce something like that? It is as if the paparazzi was just waiting for that to show up or something. I
I swear if I have not seen enough people start dating, get engaged, or even married this past year. It drives me crazy. I am a big skeptic to the extent that I am convinced that some of these people just want to get some but want to try and justify it with their so called "Christian morals".
I do not know what they were or were not taught in Sunday School or by their parents or even their peers. But dear God, why do you have to tell the world on your car window?

I would only hope that God is put first in these relationships which I know for a fact is not an easy thing.

Let's just hope the next window does not read "Last night was amazing. Do me again!"

" Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling love" -Albert Einstein

Morning

Wake up and smell the sunshine. Good super bowl last game. Why does everybody feel the need to write 25 random things about themselves? Well I guess if it builds community whilst not creating a facebook dependency then we are okay.

backrubs are the most misunderstood gestures.

Sitting by while the world is suffering

I saw one of my friend's girlfriends with a bruise on her face. I visited a friend and her mother who was recovering from breast cancer. Another friend's mom is suffering back home with a foster child. My suitemate told me he might not come back next year because his girlfriend of two years is struggling with the distance between them. On top of that I have numerous tasks ahead of me including a missions team meeting for the Philippines in less than an hour.
Don't get me wrong, I am very excited and blessed to be serving the kingdom by leading a group of people to the Philippines with my good friend Jared Furze. I just hate all the logistical, financial, and developing things I am required to do. Alas, that's what you get when you sign up for service to Jesus. What was that about narrow roads, hating his mother and father, and denying yourself? That Jesus.

The other issue is, there is seems to be so much hurt and struggle with those I love and adore. I hate that I am unable to do anything. Well i guess there is one thing I can do and that is pray. Pray beyond belief. I honestly believe that prayer can move mountains. Although I have never seen a mountain move.

God move a mountain tonight not for me but for them

MLK

A great man lived in the 20th century. The fact that he conquered no lands, fought any wars with a sword, nor discovered the new world or invented the wheel says so much. He proved you do not have to be that kind of person to be great. And let it be said that greatness he did not strive for. Only freedom.

Take a lesson and remember him well. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

live your dream

Beaten and bruised but not down

I have never really been that good at things never exceptionally talented necessarily. If there is one thing I suck at it is longboarding. Friday after class I said to myself, "I think I will try that hill on my own". Less than an hour later I found myself being bandaged up by my good friend Matt Lopez because I had fallen and I scraped myself up pretty good. Two days later I am sitting at my desk redressing my wounds that still hurt a good bunch. I cannot move without some kind of pain in my left hip or my knee. Yet in spite of all this, I will not let it get me down. I refuse to let this road rash hinder me from time with my friends and from God. I say that while it is definitely painful, it is of no consequence to those who suffer for the sake of Christ.

I will take on that hill again, and I will be able to sleep on my left side again too. For now it is time to rebandage and heal.

why do we fall? so that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

The time of night is fading.

Believe me when I tell you I only want to see the joy inside of you once for today and forevermore.

I dont need this.

would you remember if i stood by even when i was far away?

Money is the stuff the dead are made of

I found twenty dollars on the ground yesterday outside my dormitory. I knew that someone who lived in the dorm had dropped but I did not know who. I've never seen twenty dollars on the ground like that before. I stood there for a while and then I walked away. This morning I went back to where I found it and it was gone.


green is more than just a color.

Joy in friends

I hope one day one of you will come to know the people i knew. If you value and love as I do, make a promise to value those you love without hesitation. Tell them everyday that you can.

Have you ever looked on someone's face and seen pure joy come from it?
I have


joy in the laughter, joy in the pain.

Peace to 2008

I think 2008 was one of the best years thus far in my life. I felt that I have never been closer to God. It began with practically a clean slate after a terrible finish to 2007 that ended up in me getting dumped and getting drunk of winter break. I started the spring semester meeting some more amazing individuals and getting used to being so far away from home. Summer was amazing, Probably the best summer yet. I went on a fantastic cross country bike trip that was actually a missions trip! It was probably the best experience I have ever had with eight other individuals that challenged me and became my family over those many miles. When i was not doing that I was at home learning how to love my family and what friends I had over summer. Michael I love you we still need to finish that Mcgee song. My blind grandfather turned 90 and my aunt turned 60. I came back to school to a community I had never felt so good about. Truth, honesty, transparency, and love have never been so prevalent in my life until after this past year.


Love to love God

Getting back.

Nick, Rouse, and Clarke are kicking it in the bedroom. What is going on.....? i want rest.

I got back and immediately had to go out to my Spring missions leader retreat. It is the bane of the task that i chose to uphold in the beginning of the year when I decided to become a missions team leader to the Philippines with Jared Furze

So when I got back naturally most of my friends were also back so I guess I could not help but run into them....

Alas, honestly I love my friends to death and missed them dearly so I willingly tagged along with whatever they were doing but I would have loved a few hours, just a few hours of peace and time to reflect.

But the luxury of time is sometimes an illusion that we must not count on to bail us out and thus, become content with the way our lives are written each day with or without our friends.

Read the Bible someday and maybe you'll find the strangest answer to your most basic of question.