I realize the older I get, there is only an illusion that i cannot do anything. I find myself wanting to be things and yet the opportunities rarely present themselves. It is almost as if I wanted one of the movie moments where you coincidentally ran into someone or something that ends up changing your life forever. Sometimes I wish that would happen. I am in Santa Rosa in the home I grew up in. The real question is whether it really is my home now.
Another question for myself and to God is... Can i break out of the illusion of white-middle class suburban america consumerism christianity? I want something real and i want it now.
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